I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
