Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she looked like the before picture.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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