he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
