Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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