I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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