You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she told me i tasted like america
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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