hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
