just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
