Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
