if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
