He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
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I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
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Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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