I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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