Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
