i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
