she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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