Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
