Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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