How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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