It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
