The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
