he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
