i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I will be naked everywhere
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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