she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
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Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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