Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
