You're a womanizer and a bitch.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
