The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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