I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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