Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
