vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
