You smell like stripper and shame
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
