i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
