I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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