smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
