i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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