new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
