this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
