we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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