I could make wine with my vomit
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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