My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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