Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
