I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
