Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
