This is not my ceiling
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We have started to decorate penises.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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