YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
