I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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