there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
