Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
