I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
