Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
