shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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