apparently the secret to your success is patron
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
