if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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