I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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