We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
