I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
