There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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