they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
