I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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