upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
