windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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