You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
