sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
