At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
