Apparently you make a good broom.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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