If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
