I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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