My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
