We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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