just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
