no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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