o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
