the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
