Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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