Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
