Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
