im six kinds of drunk right now
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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